It occurs to me, that no matter where I go or what I do, I'm still going to have problems that need
to be sorted out. As much of a bummer as this is, it is a fact. I hate facts, because you can seldom change them. Well, sometimes
I like facts, but this is not a fact I'm enjoying at the moment lol.
I'm thinking about this because I wonder if I want to go back to Maryland so badly because I am trying to run away from problems or difficulties here. If that's the case, then it's a horrible
mistake because I know I left some problems and difficult things behind me in Maryland. They don't just go away, and so they will be there waiting for me when I get back, they may follow me from here as well. Scary thought. As a matter of fact, (Dirty, mean facts!) there are some difficult things that simply can not wait
for me to show up again in the state of Maryland to pounce on me.
I went to work today. I was still kind of out of it, but feeling better overall.
As I was standing there at work, not really accomplishing much, I had an epiphany. It was wonderful
! A bunch of things were suddenly clear and I knew what I had to do. But, I can not remember it or what exactly it related to for anything lol. Hate it when that happens!! Maybe it will come back to me, I should have written it down. Dang!
There is a lot
going on in my head right now. I'm confused, I don't feel like I can think clearly but I feel like I really
need to try.
As long as I think and don't speak until, until, well, just don't speak I should be ok. I cant get into too much trouble if I just think, right? lol
I figure if you never say it out loud it cant hurt you. That might be a broken idea though, I've had time enough now to learn that even thoughts can
hurt you eventually. Mine hurt me sometimes, anyway. Ugh.
I think I know why I am so indecisive in general. It's because I'm terrified
of making mistakes. I only want to decide to do (say, go, buy, it all applies) or not do something when I am satisfied that the decision I have made will not lead to a mistake - as in some very undesirable, unforeseen effect. Which is good, in a way, self preservation and all. But, it prevents me from taking many risks, no leaps of faith for me. What am I missing by being that way? It's like walking through life, intentionally, on egg shells lol. Am I really being careful, or am I just being overly paranoid and kind of absurd? It is ok to make mistakes, inst it? It wouldn't be the end of the world if I screwed up, right? This is a condition that has only gotten worse as I have gotten older.
Well, I'm done being depressing for now!
A survey, because, as pointless as they are, I'm addicted to them!
What time is it?
2:30 am because I cant just go to bed like a normal person
Last thing you ate?
Sour Patch Kids, but what I really wanted was gummy worms.
Favorite thing to eat?
Cheese Steaks, I’m on a kick.
How much is your phone bill?
When was the last time you actually sat down and had dinner with your family?
2007 other than just me and Bree.
Know anyone who does illegal drugs?
No way man.
Last time you had an alcoholic beverage?
Previously. Hows that for evasive lol
How long does it take you to get ready?
Not too long, depends on what I’m getting ready for.
First thing you did when you woke up today?
I opened my eyes.
How long has it been since you brushed your teeth?
A few hours.
Last thing you laughed at?
I really don’t know.
How long is your hair?
A little past my shoulders, I just cut it.
Who do you hate at the moment?
Have you ever had a near death experience?
Something like that.
Do you abuse your phone?
Worst thing you’ve ever done with it?
Usually just throw it, drop it, sit on it, stuff like that.
Do you think youre awesome?
I have moments of pure win.
Getting good grades in school?
I’m not in school anymore, but I graduated with a 3.85, so I was fairly pleased.
What are you doing after highschool?
Wasting ten years or so...
Do you know anybody who would die for you?
Maybe, not certain.
Do you like your room?
No, it’s friggin ugly man.
How much money do you have?
I got a dollar and some change on me lol.
Do you own a flat iron?
I surely do.
Last time you went swimming?
It’s been more than a year.
If you were to Marry the person who text you last, what would your last name be?
How do you know the last person you were in a car with?
Whats been different this year?
Nothing really comes to mind when I think about it, so I'd guess not much!
Have you ever taken money from a collection plate?
No, we generally put it IN
the collection plate.
Do you curse often?
Do you plan on moving within the next year or two?
Omg, I hope so.
Would you like to put last night on repeat and live it forever?
Not for anything.
Does anyone call you baby?
Pretty much everybody down here, men, women, older, younger; everyone.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, just no.
Is anyone interested in you right now?
I really don’t know.
Are you interested in anyone?
Do you believe that you can change for someone?
I believe that I would not ask anyone to and would not be willing to myself.
Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
No, I’m far too well informed to wonder.
Are you crushing on someone?
Naw, I'm a bit beyond that.
Do you want to get married?
Do you sleep on your stomach?
I do sometimes.
Anything you're giving up on?
Who was the last person you gave your number to?
Someone from church.
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Always, even if it doesn’t work out.
Do you think you have made a difference in anyones life?
The person you fell hardest for moves across the world, what would you do?
If they cared, I go too. If not, oh well I guess.
Do you love anyone?
I surely do.
Whats your biggest concern right now?
I’m not overly concerned about much of anything. Just getting through life one day at a time.
Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No, I gotta have a sheet or something, anything.
Have you ever cut your own hair?
Yeah, I refuse to let anyone else touch it! No one else has cut my hair since, I think 1998.