I'm not sure why I'm so chipper, but I'll take it. I feel much better physically, so I'm sure that's a contributing factor.

I'm making a really bad habit of staying up until the wee hours of the morning here lately. I've got to stop doing it, but once I get my sleep schedule all mixed up like this it's really hard to get it right again!

Whoa. This guy on TV just put peaches in baked beans. I am horrified. Mostly just cause I am a sissy and prolly wouldn't try it lol. Peaches and Beans do not go together, do they??

And now my dogs are going to start barking. (I have nothing terribly interesting or important to say, had you guessed? lol) My neighbors probably hate me. I don't know what it is they bark at at 2:00 in the morning, but they do it just about every night. I run to the door when they start, flip the light on and snatch the door open, and they are just sitting there. Staring at me. And every dog in the area is barking. WTH??

Yeah, anyway. I'm pretty sick of hearing about Tiger Woods. Or whichever celebrity is a media frenzy at the moment. Do we really care that much what is going on in their lives? I really don't. I didn't even need to know that he screwed up in the first place, it's not my business. That's between him, his wife and the home-wrecking skank lol. Alrighty then.

My life is so very repetitive. Nothing terribly exciting, new or out of the ordinary happened today. Or yesterday, or the day before for that matter. Never really does. The most exciting things that happened to me today, in my opinion, is that I talked to one of my friends from Maryland and the Guatemalan girl at work dropped a fluorescent light tube and it exploded, causing me to nearly have a heart attack lol. I'm sort of jumpy by nature anyway, so that certainly didn't help!

It was nice talking to my friend from MD. I talk to him a lot lately. Which is sort of odd, good I guess though. I'm not sure. It's just very confusing to me. Ugh. I don't get him, he is strange in a way that's very difficult for me to describe. I'm too lazy to even try right now.

I should go try to get some sleep. I didn't fall asleep til, well, the sun was up this morning, or yesterday morning now I suppose. I have an old, bad western on TV now though, so that might help sleep come lol.

It occurs to me, that no matter where I go or what I do, I'm still going to have problems that need to be sorted out. As much of a bummer as this is, it is a fact. I hate facts, because you can seldom change them. Well, sometimes I like facts, but this is not a fact I'm enjoying at the moment lol.

I'm thinking about this because I wonder if I want to go back to Maryland so badly because I am trying to run away from problems or difficulties here. If that's the case, then it's a horrible mistake because I know I left some problems and difficult things behind me in Maryland. They don't just go away, and so they will be there waiting for me when I get back, they may follow me from here as well. Scary thought. As a matter of fact, (Dirty, mean facts!) there are some difficult things that simply can not wait for me to show up again in the state of Maryland to pounce on me.

I went to work today. I was still kind of out of it, but feeling better overall. As I was standing there at work, not really accomplishing much, I had an epiphany. It was wonderful! A bunch of things were suddenly clear and I knew what I had to do. But, I can not remember it or what exactly it related to for anything lol. Hate it when that happens!! Maybe it will come back to me, I should have written it down. Dang!

There is a lot going on in my head right now. I'm confused, I don't feel like I can think clearly but I feel like I really need to try. As long as I think and don't speak until, until, well, just don't speak I should be ok. I cant get into too much trouble if I just think, right? lol I figure if you never say it out loud it cant hurt you. That might be a broken idea though, I've had time enough now to learn that even thoughts can hurt you eventually. Mine hurt me sometimes, anyway. Ugh.

I think I know why I am so indecisive in general. It's because I'm terrified of making mistakes. I only want to decide to do (say, go, buy, it all applies) or not do something when I am satisfied that the decision I have made will not lead to a mistake - as in some very undesirable, unforeseen effect. Which is good, in a way, self preservation and all. But, it prevents me from taking many risks, no leaps of faith for me. What am I missing by being that way? It's like walking through life, intentionally, on egg shells lol. Am I really being careful, or am I just being overly paranoid and kind of absurd? It is ok to make mistakes, inst it? It wouldn't be the end of the world if I screwed up, right? This is a condition that has only gotten worse as I have gotten older.

Well, I'm done being depressing for now!

A survey, because, as pointless as they are, I'm addicted to them!
What time is it?
2:30 am because I cant just go to bed like a normal person

Last thing you ate?
Sour Patch Kids, but what I really wanted was gummy worms.

Favorite thing to eat?
Cheese Steaks, I’m on a kick.

How much is your phone bill?
$45 monthly

When was the last time you actually sat down and had dinner with your family?
2007 other than just me and Bree.

Know anyone who does illegal drugs?
No way man.

Last time you had an alcoholic beverage?
Previously. Hows that for evasive lol

How long does it take you to get ready?
Not too long, depends on what I’m getting ready for.

First thing you did when you woke up today?
I opened my eyes.

How long has it been since you brushed your teeth?
A few hours.

Last thing you laughed at?
I really don’t know.

How long is your hair?
A little past my shoulders, I just cut it.

Who do you hate at the moment?
Nobody!

Have you ever had a near death experience?
Something like that.

Do you abuse your phone?
So terribly.

Worst thing you’ve ever done with it?
Usually just throw it, drop it, sit on it, stuff like that.

Do you think youre awesome?
I have moments of pure win.

Getting good grades in school?
I’m not in school anymore, but I graduated with a 3.85, so I was fairly pleased.

What are you doing after highschool?
Wasting ten years or so...

Do you know anybody who would die for you?
Maybe, not certain.

Do you like your room?
No, it’s friggin ugly man.

How much money do you have?
I got a dollar and some change on me lol.

Do you own a flat iron?
I surely do.

Last time you went swimming?
It’s been more than a year.

If you were to Marry the person who text you last, what would your last name be?
Arikat lol

How do you know the last person you were in a car with?
Co-worker.

Whats been different this year?
Nothing really comes to mind when I think about it, so I'd guess not much!

Have you ever taken money from a collection plate?
No, we generally put it IN the collection plate.

Do you curse often?
All day.

Do you plan on moving within the next year or two?
Omg, I hope so.

Would you like to put last night on repeat and live it forever?
Not for anything.

Does anyone call you baby?
Pretty much everybody down here, men, women, older, younger; everyone.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, just no.

Is anyone interested in you right now?
I really don’t know.

Are you interested in anyone?
Of course.

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
I believe that I would not ask anyone to and would not be willing to myself.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
No, I’m far too well informed to wonder.

Are you crushing on someone?
Naw, I'm a bit beyond that.

Do you want to get married?
Maybe someday.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
I do sometimes.

Anything you're giving up on?
Hope lol

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
Someone from church.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Always, even if it doesn’t work out.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyones life?
Sure.

The person you fell hardest for moves across the world, what would you do?
If they cared, I go too. If not, oh well I guess.

Do you love anyone?
I surely do.

Whats your biggest concern right now?
I’m not overly concerned about much of anything. Just getting through life one day at a time.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No, I gotta have a sheet or something, anything.

Have you ever cut your own hair?
Yeah, I refuse to let anyone else touch it! No one else has cut my hair since, I think 1998.

I feel less ill today. So that's an absolute positive. I was starting to wonder if it would ever pass. I won't claim to be a hundred percent yet, but I am a bit better.

My nine year old stumped me for a moment earlier. I was explaining magnets and how opposites attract. North to South and South to North, but when you try to press North to North, the magnets resist and if left to their own devices will push apart until they no longer affect each other. She looked at me and asked, "how about East and West or East and East, will they attract and repel each other the same way?" lol Kids. I cant believe I've never wondered that myself, it seems like an such obvious question to ask.

Life is such an odd thing. (Forgive me, but being sick and all has given me way, way too much time to think about things.) It's so short, and I don't understand what I'm doing here. I think maybe I'm wasting too much time trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be doing so that if or when I do figure it out, I won't have the time left to get it done. Does that make any sense?

I am certain though, that there is more to life than what little I've personally discovered so far. I just don't know how to grab it for myself. I see it, I know it's there (or there?) I just cant seem to get a grip on it. Why does it all seem so very complicated? I want to iron out all the wrinkles in my life. I know that'll never happen, exactly, but I'm sure I could make it a bit smoother. Am I making any sense or only nonsense? lol I'm just thinking, it's better to plan and have some idea of what to do next before you jump in with both feet. The water is usually colder and deeper than I think and I always figure that out one second too late.

I should go to bed and not think anymore today. I'm going to go try that now.

I was curious, so I added the friend Q & A App on Facebook. These are some of the questions people answered about me. I have no idea who answered which questions, for all I know the same person answered them all. I just thought it was mildly amusing.

Would you travel the world with Jennifer Wilson?     No (But...why not? I'm a great travel companion!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is tone deaf?  No (You've never been to Karaoke with me then, huh? lol)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson should not wear tight clothing?  No (Ok...)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson wants to 'come out of the closet'?  Yes (What? Who said that?!?)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is a good friend?  Yes (Thank You!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is greedy?  No (Thanks, again!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson would help an elderly woman cross the street?  Yes (I saved an old lady from choking not too long ago at work...)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson would pull a fire alarm as a prank?  Yes (mmm, prolly not!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is a tree hugger?  Yes (I guess thats kinda true, but I take it as a compliment!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson has ever kissed a girl?  No (Really, cause someone is sure I want to come out of the closet lol)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is cute?  Yes (Thanks!)
Does Jennifer Wilson have a face only a mother could love?  No (Is it no because even a mother couldn't love it? I'm suspicious...)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is mean?  No (I very rarely am)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson has ever mooned someone?  Yes (It's true, I have.)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is cute?  Yes (Thanks!)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is a freak?  No (Not usually?)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson has ever pranked call someone?  Yes (Not lately lol)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson has ever fantasized about you?  Yes (Hmm, maybe, I dont know who answered these questions thought lol)
Is Jennifer Wilson a reliable person?  Yes (I try very hard to be.)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is better looking than Rosie O'Donnell?  Yes (Thank Goodness?)
Do you think that Jennifer Wilson is hyper?  Yes (What? Not uh!)

So. Yup.

I am so frustrated with everything lately. And really, unfortunately, I can only blame myself, because it all leads back to my decisions. That's a bummer!

I've been sick for almost a week now. Went to the doctor, uh, I cant remember what day, because I'm really well doped up and I don't even know what day today is. I've been sleeping a lot, what can I tell you. Anyway, it's a sinus infection and an infection in both ears...according to my doctor. I tend to distrust what he says though, because he keeps diagnosing me with the same thing, and then giving me the same exact medications again even though they clearly didn't work the first time. I'm no brain surgeon, but...Der.

I haven't been to work since Tuesday. The special part about it is I texted my boss from the doctors office to let him know what was up, and left it at that. I was going to go back to work today, so I texted my boss to ask when he wanted me to come in. No reply. I texted him again. Still no reply. So I went on down there and the girl who was working asked what happened to me. Apparently the Boss never got my messages. So, I gotta call him tomorrow. Should be special. He prolly thinks I quit again.

Yes. So, anyway. I've got to get it together enough to go to church tomorrow. I haven't been in a while. One excuse after another type of deal, there's not been anything keeping me away other than life in general, which is also the very reason I NEED to go. Interesting how that works.

I want to go home so bad. To Maryland. I miss it. Maybe it's Maryland I miss or maybe its my friends and family there. It might be that Maryland is what I know, it's familiar. And even if it's not better, I'm in love with anything that is familiar to me. I had no idea until I got here and stayed here a while just how NEW everything would be and continue to be. Everywhere I look, everywhere I go, everything I do, there is NEW everywhere. It's absolutely terrifying.

I've been having nightmares for about a week now. I don't remember my dreams that often, and cant even tell you the last time I had a nightmare other than recently. (That's new, too.) In one I just kept spitting out teeth. My teeth, just handfuls of em. And then I'd try to put some back in their sockets. If it hadn't been so bothersome to me it would have been almost comical. I was crunching on them and making faces and spitting them out all over again. Way, way more teeth than anyone has in their head were in my mouth lol. So many teeth. Haven't you ever had the tooth dream? lol

Looks like I'm writing a book instead of a blog entry. Geez.

I cut my hair today. I didn't realize how much I cut off. A lot lol. Don't cut your own hair while medicated has been added to my list of lessons learned the hard way. It doesn't look bad, it's just that I really, really loved my long hair. I don't know what else to say about that lol.

Well, I could go on forever about nothing in particular, I might even do that later, but for now, I'm through!