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Wednesday, August 17th 2011

5:32 PM

Why say you'll show up if you won't?

  • Feeling~ Ignored and irritated
  • Magic Word~ SELL!
Not much annoys me more than someone saying "I'll be there at 3!" and then 3 gets here and there is no person here who said they would be. So, then what? You call or text or send a carrier pigeon to ask "You still coming?" and of course they say "Yes! I'm on my way now!" So two hours later, you're sitting there and still no person who said they were on their way. So you send out the carrier pigeon again with the message "Are you lost?" but this time the carrier pigeon comes back with no reply because the other person has finally given up lying to you. Boo!!

So, that was a long way of saying I still haven't managed to sell the truck. I've probably had a hundred people ask about it, but no one's showed up with any cash yet. I lowered the price I'm asking for it on craigslist by , oh, $550 dollars or so. Geez.

And I still haven't made my cookies cause I been sitting around all day waiting for people to show up who just haven't showed up! Blah!
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Wednesday, August 17th 2011

12:24 PM

Just BUY IT!

  • Feeling~ Anxious
  • Hearing~ Bree, of course.
  • Magic Word~ COOKIES!
  • Reading~ Other blogs!
Still trying to get this truck sold. I wish someone would just buy it already! A guy is suppose to be coming to look at it around three this afternoon. He said he'd give me half of the asking price, which does not amuse me at all, but hey, we need the money.

I was suppose to go to work yesterday morning, but I didn't, because I am lame. I just felt awful. Can't say that I'm 100% today, but better, so better is good. I'm off today, however.

I think we're going to make sugar cookies. Which is great, because I love cookies. They make me happy. Even plain old sugar cookies. I'm going to make them with Bree. She likes cookies, too. 

Anyway. I reckon that's all for now. 
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Tuesday, August 16th 2011

12:00 PM

I'm still alive!

  • Feeling~ Grumpy
  • Hearing~ Bree, who never, ever shuts up.
  • Magic Word~ Silence
It's been a while! 

I've moved a lot, worked here and there and wandered lost. It would probably seem like I'd have a lot to say since so much time has passed, but I really don't. Life has been very repetitive for me. Not much that is interesting or out of the ordinary has really happened. 

I'm back in Maryland now. Me, Bree and Tim. We live in Marion, which is not far from Crisfield. I work in Crisfield. I wish I could say that I love my job, but I just don't. Most days I don't even like it, but it is a job and they do pay me at regular intervals so I guess I can't really complain too much. 

Tim is working at Lowe's. He says he likes his job and that's a good thing. I want to work at Lowe's! But anyway. He's doing pretty good. 

We bought a new car. A 2011 Ford Fiesta. It's white. It's a nice little car, great gas mileage compared to the Bronco!  

I'm hanging out here lately - http://ferferferfer.webs.com/apps/blog/ It's a new toy  and the novelty hasn't worn off yet. It's basically just a collection of whatever is amusing to me or strikes my fancy. Maybe a personal update or two. 

Bree, my daughter, is driving me nuts. I can't wait for school to start back up again. I still haven't gotten her enrolled. Blah. I'm off tomorrow and thursday so I guess one of those days would be a good time to get it done since I think school startes around here next week. 

We're tying to sell the Bronco. Some guy is supposed to come by this evening to buy it, so hopefully he shows up, cause God knows, we need the money! There's school shopping, Bree's birthday is coming up (9-6), plus all the regular bills, bills, bills. It never ends, and we never break even.

Anyway, that's all I got for now. I'll try really hard to stop falling off the face of the earth. 
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Saturday, March 20th 2010

12:55 AM

Dang it. Just when you think things are going smoothly...

  • Feeling~ Awake!
  • Hearing~ The Forbidden Kingdom
  • Magic Word~ I wish I knew!
Someone goes and throws a wrench in the gears!  We had the same people at work for like three or four months straight without anyone quitting or getting fired (which is like a record lol) and then a girl quit today. She wouldn't answer her phone when I called to find out why she didn't show up or even call today,  so I called her mama, cause she likes me and always answers the phone when I call. Anyway, as it turns out the girl is completely justified in quitting, but I am still super bummed about it. I really liked her and she was really great at her job. And it meant that I got at least every other Sunday off.

I feel just rotten. Side effects of Prednisone are just no fun. I think the side effects of the treatment are worse than the symptoms of the illness in this case. Ugh. Four more days to go.

Blah. I'm sorta bummed. Nothing is happening as quickly as I'd like. Not that it ever really does. It's either too quickly or not quickly enough and never at the pace I'd prefer lol. C'est la vie.  This is something I complain about a lot. I guess because the only thing I can do about it is become more patient, and I promise you, I am already incredibly patient!


I cant sleep.  I cant even lay down and close my eyes for me than five seconds consecutively. Pretty sure it's yet another side effect. Grrr.

Anywho. Not a whole lot going on with me really...
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Thursday, March 18th 2010

10:25 PM

Laugh Easy.

  • Feeling~ Thoughtful
  • Hearing~ Silence!
  • Magic Word~ Peace.
Seriously. Don't make people work too hard to make you laugh. Don't spend to much time analyzing what others say or do. And DO NOT take yourself too seriously, chances are, most people don't take you that seriously either.

That's one small piece of advice that I will give to anyone and advise that they follow. It's good advice; Laugh easy. Why let stupid things get to you? Or why bother trying to figure something out til your brain aches from the effort? It's much easier to just laugh and move on. I could get mad/irritated/upset a hundred times a day just because of something someone said or did. Could, but when it comes right down to it, I can choose whether it's offensive or funny, whether it's an insult or a joke, annoying or amusing.

I generally opt to laugh or smile. I usually dont see the point in getting all bent out of shape or stressing out over stuff. I'm not saying it's always easy for me to follow my own advice, cause it's not. But most of the time, you will get me to laugh either with you or at you before I will get upset and fail to see the humor.

It's something I like about myself. I dig that I am quick to laugh and smile. People come into my job and the first thing I do is smile, and it's genuine. I don't smile at these people and think "Geez, hurry up and order already." I'm smiling because it's my way of of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. When you first meet me, you start as a ten. You don't have to work your way up, you just have to make a small effort to stay there.

Meh, anyway. Just a thought
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Wednesday, March 17th 2010

9:50 PM

I'm going to buy a car soon, yay!

  • Feeling~ Ok, just ok, but in a good way!
  • Hearing~ Some show, I think it's Cougar Town?
  • Magic Word~ HOPE...

It's amazing, I have nothing in mind. I mean, I'm not looking for anything in particular. No certain make, model, year or color that I prefer. I only prefer that it run, have no huge cosmetic issues (Like being a green car but having one red door, no lemon yellow peace signs spray-painted on the hood lol) and of course, be in my price range. I've looked at a bunch, but nothing has really jumped out at me.  Meh.

I think I'm going back to work tomorrow. That's the plan anyway. First my boss called and asked if I was going to come to work. I said I would, I felt better. He said, "Nah, it's ok, just stay home rest and lemme know how you feel Thursday." I said ok and that was that. Then he called back like two minutes later and asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow. I was becoming concerned about his sanity.  So, best I can tell, I am expected to come back to work tomorrow lol.

I do feel better today. I'm taking less pain medication now, and that's gotta be a good sign. Also, if I had pink-eye, I have my doubts, it's not at all pink or irritated looking today. It's itchy and burns a bit (mostly when I put the medicine in it,  that stuff is brutal!), but it seems ok really.  Huh. I was a bit worried that I might give it to my kid, and then she'd be all miserable and miss more school (she's missed 8 days of school this year, none due to illness, all due to travel!). I'm not so freaked out about that now, but I'm still going to take precautions of course!

I've been in a really odd mood today. Good, but odd.  Good because I am generally happy and, like I said, feeling better. Odd because, well sometimes stuff happens that can completely ruin your good mood (if you let it?) but despite some stuff like that happening, I'm still pretty chipper!  

I am seriously lacking motivation. I guess it's ok though, since I really don't have anything I need to get done at the moment, or even anything else that I should be doing. It's very strange to realize that you have nothing to do. Agenda is empty; schedule is wide open lol. I hope I do get to go back to work and stick with it for a while. I'm bored lol.

Well anyway, not a lot going on, so not a lot to write about! Until next time! 

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Tuesday, March 16th 2010

12:23 AM

I really dont like daylight savings time!!

  • Feeling~ Like I got something in my eye!!
  • Hearing~ The Forbidden Kingdom
  • Magic Word~ Analgesic
  • Reading~ Blogs
I just don't get it. There are more hours of daylight in the summer regardless of whether the time changes or not, so why make me get up earlier!?   I'm sure it's to torture those of us who have to work in the evenings and then have young'uns to get to school in the morning lol.

I'm trying to think if anything wonderful or interesting has happened since my last blog.

I went to Maryland a few weeks ago. Just for a very short visit. It was groovy, I guess lol. I accomplished some stuff I'd been needing to, so that's always a plus. Made some new friends while I was up, which is always lovely.

I've had some health problems lately. Nothing too serious. Serious enough I guess, but I dont think I'll die. Seriously lol. On top of that, I have Pink Eye! It was a gift from a girl I work with, not one I wanted at all. It doesn't really look so bad. Just, a little pink. It's bugging me to no end though because it burns and itches and I really, really want to rub it!! I've never had it before and I hope I never get it again. Ever.

I am so very, very lost. I know where I am, mostly, I know what my plans are, generally. I'm just scared of it all and I guess that's what makes me feel lost. I guess it's kinda dumb for me to be so afraid of everything. I'm 30!! (Thats scares me too!) I dont understand why it is so difficult for me to just go and do the things I want to do. Instead, I put it off and sit around and worry about it. I'm afraid I'll go along like that for so long that it'll be too late. On the otherhand, while I'm sitting here putting it off and thinking about it, I worry that if I actually go and do it, it may all go horribly wrong and I'll be miserable. lol I feel like I can't win...or just break even!

My eye really burns.

In other news, things have gotten a tiny bit better at work. When I'm actually there anyway. Seems like I've taken a lot of time off lately. My boss hasnt come in all late and wrong to fuss with me just because he had a bad day lately. And I actually have a somewhat normal schedule again.

Anywho. I am so bored. Not going to work and not having a whole to do outside of work is really not much fun. I need a hobby, I guess. Maybe something other than the internet. Prolly not though lol.

Ok. I'm off to find something to do!!
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Thursday, January 28th 2010

2:48 AM

Much happier today!

  • Feeling~ Achy
  • Hearing~ Dogs bark!
  • Magic Word~ Monogamy
I'm not sure why I'm so chipper, but I'll take it. I feel much better physically, so I'm sure that's a contributing factor.

I'm making a really bad habit of staying up until the wee hours of the morning here lately. I've got to stop doing it, but once I get my sleep schedule all mixed up like this it's really hard to get it right again!

Whoa. This guy on TV just put peaches in baked beans. I am horrified. Mostly just cause I am a sissy and prolly wouldn't try it lol. Peaches and Beans do not go together, do they??

And now my dogs are going to start barking. (I have nothing terribly interesting or important to say, had you guessed? lol) My neighbors probably hate me. I don't know what it is they bark at at 2:00 in the morning, but they do it just about every night. I run to the door when they start, flip the light on and snatch the door open, and they are just sitting there. Staring at me. And every dog in the area is barking. WTH??

Yeah, anyway. I'm pretty sick of hearing about Tiger Woods. Or whichever celebrity is a media frenzy at the moment. Do we really care that much what is going on in their lives? I really don't. I didn't even need to know that he screwed up in the first place, it's not my business. That's between him, his wife and the home-wrecking skank lol. Alrighty then.

My life is so very repetitive. Nothing terribly exciting, new or out of the ordinary happened today. Or yesterday, or the day before for that matter. Never really does. The most exciting things that happened to me today, in my opinion, is that I talked to one of my friends from Maryland and the Guatemalan girl at work dropped a fluorescent light tube and it exploded, causing me to nearly have a heart attack lol. I'm sort of jumpy by nature anyway, so that certainly didn't help!

It was nice talking to my friend from MD. I talk to him a lot lately. Which is sort of odd, good I guess though. I'm not sure. It's just very confusing to me. Ugh. I don't get him, he is strange in a way that's very difficult for me to describe. I'm too lazy to even try right now.

I should go try to get some sleep. I didn't fall asleep til, well, the sun was up this morning, or yesterday morning now I suppose. I have an old, bad western on TV now though, so that might help sleep come lol.
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Tuesday, January 26th 2010

2:37 AM

I can't run away.

  • Feeling~ I really don't know.
  • Hearing~ The Scorpion King, it just never stops. Ever.
  • Magic Word~ I have two today; Cautious and Epiphany
It occurs to me, that no matter where I go or what I do, I'm still going to have problems that need to be sorted out. As much of a bummer as this is, it is a fact. I hate facts, because you can seldom change them. Well, sometimes I like facts, but this is not a fact I'm enjoying at the moment lol.

I'm thinking about this because I wonder if I want to go back to Maryland so badly because I am trying to run away from problems or difficulties here. If that's the case, then it's a horrible mistake because I know I left some problems and difficult things behind me in Maryland. They don't just go away, and so they will be there waiting for me when I get back, they may follow me from here as well. Scary thought. As a matter of fact, (Dirty, mean facts!) there are some difficult things that simply can not wait for me to show up again in the state of Maryland to pounce on me.

I went to work today. I was still kind of out of it, but feeling better overall. As I was standing there at work, not really accomplishing much, I had an epiphany. It was wonderful! A bunch of things were suddenly clear and I knew what I had to do. But, I can not remember it or what exactly it related to for anything lol. Hate it when that happens!! Maybe it will come back to me, I should have written it down. Dang!

There is a lot going on in my head right now. I'm confused, I don't feel like I can think clearly but I feel like I really need to try. As long as I think and don't speak until, until, well, just don't speak I should be ok. I cant get into too much trouble if I just think, right? lol I figure if you never say it out loud it cant hurt you. That might be a broken idea though, I've had time enough now to learn that even thoughts can hurt you eventually. Mine hurt me sometimes, anyway. Ugh.

I think I know why I am so indecisive in general. It's because I'm terrified of making mistakes. I only want to decide to do (say, go, buy, it all applies) or not do something when I am satisfied that the decision I have made will not lead to a mistake - as in some very undesirable, unforeseen effect. Which is good, in a way, self preservation and all. But, it prevents me from taking many risks, no leaps of faith for me. What am I missing by being that way? It's like walking through life, intentionally, on egg shells lol. Am I really being careful, or am I just being overly paranoid and kind of absurd? It is ok to make mistakes, inst it? It wouldn't be the end of the world if I screwed up, right? This is a condition that has only gotten worse as I have gotten older.

Well, I'm done being depressing for now!

A survey, because, as pointless as they are, I'm addicted to them!
What time is it?
2:30 am because I cant just go to bed like a normal person

Last thing you ate?
Sour Patch Kids, but what I really wanted was gummy worms.

Favorite thing to eat?
Cheese Steaks, I’m on a kick.

How much is your phone bill?
$45 monthly

When was the last time you actually sat down and had dinner with your family?
2007 other than just me and Bree.

Know anyone who does illegal drugs?
No way man.

Last time you had an alcoholic beverage?
Previously. Hows that for evasive lol

How long does it take you to get ready?
Not too long, depends on what I’m getting ready for.

First thing you did when you woke up today?
I opened my eyes.

How long has it been since you brushed your teeth?
A few hours.

Last thing you laughed at?
I really don’t know.

How long is your hair?
A little past my shoulders, I just cut it.

Who do you hate at the moment?

Have you ever had a near death experience?
Something like that.

Do you abuse your phone?
So terribly.

Worst thing you’ve ever done with it?
Usually just throw it, drop it, sit on it, stuff like that.

Do you think youre awesome?
I have moments of pure win.

Getting good grades in school?
I’m not in school anymore, but I graduated with a 3.85, so I was fairly pleased.

What are you doing after highschool?
Wasting ten years or so...

Do you know anybody who would die for you?
Maybe, not certain.

Do you like your room?
No, it’s friggin ugly man.

How much money do you have?
I got a dollar and some change on me lol.

Do you own a flat iron?
I surely do.

Last time you went swimming?
It’s been more than a year.

If you were to Marry the person who text you last, what would your last name be?
Arikat lol

How do you know the last person you were in a car with?

Whats been different this year?
Nothing really comes to mind when I think about it, so I'd guess not much!

Have you ever taken money from a collection plate?
No, we generally put it IN the collection plate.

Do you curse often?
All day.

Do you plan on moving within the next year or two?
Omg, I hope so.

Would you like to put last night on repeat and live it forever?
Not for anything.

Does anyone call you baby?
Pretty much everybody down here, men, women, older, younger; everyone.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, just no.

Is anyone interested in you right now?
I really don’t know.

Are you interested in anyone?
Of course.

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
I believe that I would not ask anyone to and would not be willing to myself.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
No, I’m far too well informed to wonder.

Are you crushing on someone?
Naw, I'm a bit beyond that.

Do you want to get married?
Maybe someday.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
I do sometimes.

Anything you're giving up on?
Hope lol

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
Someone from church.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Always, even if it doesn’t work out.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyones life?

The person you fell hardest for moves across the world, what would you do?
If they cared, I go too. If not, oh well I guess.

Do you love anyone?
I surely do.

Whats your biggest concern right now?
I’m not overly concerned about much of anything. Just getting through life one day at a time.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
No, I gotta have a sheet or something, anything.

Have you ever cut your own hair?
Yeah, I refuse to let anyone else touch it! No one else has cut my hair since, I think 1998.

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Monday, January 25th 2010

2:11 AM

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

  • Feeling~ Bored...but sleepy too.
  • Hearing~ The Scorpion King

I feel less ill today. So that's an absolute positive. I was starting to wonder if it would ever pass. I won't claim to be a hundred percent yet, but I am a bit better.

My nine year old stumped me for a moment earlier. I was explaining magnets and how opposites attract. North to South and South to North, but when you try to press North to North, the magnets resist and if left to their own devices will push apart until they no longer affect each other. She looked at me and asked, "how about East and West or East and East, will they attract and repel each other the same way?" lol Kids. I cant believe I've never wondered that myself, it seems like an such obvious question to ask.

Life is such an odd thing. (Forgive me, but being sick and all has given me way, way too much time to think about things.) It's so short, and I don't understand what I'm doing here. I think maybe I'm wasting too much time trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be doing so that if or when I do figure it out, I won't have the time left to get it done. Does that make any sense?

I am certain though, that there is more to life than what little I've personally discovered so far. I just don't know how to grab it for myself. I see it, I know it's there (or there?) I just cant seem to get a grip on it. Why does it all seem so very complicated? I want to iron out all the wrinkles in my life. I know that'll never happen, exactly, but I'm sure I could make it a bit smoother. Am I making any sense or only nonsense? lol I'm just thinking, it's better to plan and have some idea of what to do next before you jump in with both feet. The water is usually colder and deeper than I think and I always figure that out one second too late.

I should go to bed and not think anymore today. I'm going to go try that now.
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